Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

6th March 2007. Hi folks, we shall ignore the fact that it has been raining cats and dogs for the last forty days and forty nights – any advice about building that ark, yet?

The BOSS is still on about my waistline – or lack of it - and is now referring to me as “The Plump One” to visitors!  Number One fan, Jax, says I should take up Pilates, I told her "That’s for the girls!", "How about Ti Bo", she says, which I understand is a type of kick-boxing – well that's easy, I certainly know how to kick, and I am sure the BOSS can find some empty boxes about the place. 

Then there is Yogi, but that will have to wait until the shearer has been as I have to be bear!  Oh, come on out there! You have got to laugh! it's too wet to even eat around here, so what else can an alpaca do, but try to amuse his adoring public.

The girls here have spent most of the last few days hidden in their shelter eating hay – their hay is DRY. Yet again those Devon gales have played havoc with MY shelter, NO ROOF AGAIN.   Other Half says as we are all moving soon he’s not going to build me a new shelter and has just stuck the old one's roof up with sticky tape – well I ask you? He says he’s used the right kind of tape this time - DUCK tape – just right for the Devon weather.

You know, it is very difficult to keep a smile on your face at this time of year, but as I sit in my shelter (what’s left of it!) munching the last of my grass, (I can reach quite a few inches if I stretch my neck, only my head gets wet then), I can just see the kids playing about in the squishy mud and I just have to grin when I think of the BOSS trying to get all that MUD out of Charm’s fleece ready for the show season. She was out with a bucket and sponge just yesterday trying to rinse those rather sexy legs – Charm’s that is, not the BOSS’s! Charm has a thing about buckets, she likes to roll on them. So over went the bucket – water everywhere - well, MORE water everywhere, and still mud-caked legs.  Perhaps Charm could go to the shows ‘Eu Natural’ and start a new fashion – the "Lived-In Look of Alpaca".  Hmm....Could catch on!

Mark and Mike came to see us last week, and all us boys went out for a walk round the field on halters – I hope Charm was watching - us grown ups know just how its done! I demonstrated some of my new ‘keep fit’ moves – you know, the ‘Lunge into open space’, and the "See how long the lead rein is" (side-step), and the really good, ‘See how tall I am on my hind legs’ movement – gets ALL the muscles working, does that one! 

Apparently our new home is about 7 times bigger than here, and my new friend Mike says I can go for a walk every day – that will keep my weight down! It takes me a good half an hour to saunter round the Little Gem 7 acres – so nearly 50 will probably take me all WEEK! 

I’m getting quite excited about it all – new scenery, new faces, new GIRLS, and I’m going to be in charge of the youngsters.  I shall be able to teach them ALL I know – the BOSS often says I know more than is good for me!

So I shall be able to put yet another of my many talents to good use. "Ted the Tremendous Oracle" .............. Yep! sounds about right to me!.  

Click HERE to see Ted's last Diary Page