Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

January 15th 2007 DISASTER! DISASTER! The wind has blown the roof of my shelter off! My hay is all wet! The Boss has tried to dry it out by laying it out all over the field, but guess what? It has all blown into Alex’s field.  Now I have NO hay!
What’s an alpaca to do in these circumstances? I know - steal someone else’s hay! 

As you have guessed by now, the Boss has some very good ideas and some not so good ones.  Last week she had a very, very bad idea.  Boss and Other Half stood by my fence and watched me for a long time.  I just sauntered round my paddock, munching and acting nonchalant whilst they talked about me. You might have wondered why we have these beautiful mobile ears - we can hear a butterfly sneeze at a hundred metres, so eaves-dropping on a human conversation at the far side of the paddock is a doddle.

They were debating whose paddock to move me into, as I seemed lonely on my own.
 Now, first of all, they should have consulted ME! Some of us alpacas like our own company – sharing is a difficult concept for some of us – just ask Alex!

Second, why didn’t they just ask me who I wanted to play with – that would have saved a lot of trouble! Well anyway, after some deliberation they opened my gate and let me wander into the girl’s paddock – Oh, Boy! There was much muttering and whispering about me being a WETHER so this should be the safest bet. Yeah! Right!

First the girls just turned and stared at me – of course they would, wouldn’t they! An Alpaca of Distinction doesn’t come visiting every day.  The Kids raced up to me, eager to say hello – then a "grey streak" raced across the paddock in my direction – Oh! Hi, mum!

Oh dear! Who says mother’s always love their children. My mum, Cleo, started spitting at me - lots!  I dashed off feeling just a little hurt, after all I am her only son AND I’m famous!   

Then I spotted Charm, WOW! She’s some beauty!  Now I can understand why everyone got a bit concerned after I spotted HER.  I was only following my instincts – but apparently I am not supposed to have THOSE sort of instincts any more!

Boss shouted, “Hey! Ted – I don’t think THAT'S a good idea!” and Other Half raced over and rescued me from all those women.  Well, I did try to explain – Charm didn’t seem to mind, even her mum didn’t seem too concerned – but BOY, did MY mum have a go at me - spitting at me, and telling me off.

So I had to say goodbye to "sweetie pie" Charm and go back into my own paddock,under duress I have to say – no hay, no playmates….. but on the plus side, no angry mum!

The hay problem was soon solved and a fresh baleappeared like magic from Ivory’s shelter – he’s a real nice guy, that Ivory.  Shares his hay, talks to me over the gate, and never, never spits at me.  The Other Half has fixed my roof and I can still talk to Charm over the fence, but I quickly bury my head in the hay if my mum comes over.

Boss said she was very sorry, but the good thing about this experience is ALL the girls seem to be pregnant as they didn’t want me near them – except Charm and she’s too young to know about those sort of things – didn’t seem that way to me!  But then I’m a "wether", what do I know!

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