Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Friday 30 June.  Run For The Hills!  Run For The Hills!  Wait a minute - I AM in the hills!  We're being invaded by an Unidentified Flying Object  (Well, I can't identify it, anyway). They must be coming for ME - if they're looking for INTELLIGENT life, that is! Well, they wouldn't bother with Fred, would they! Perhaps they've been reading my Diary and think I really AM Zorro! It's been going on all morning - perhaps they can't decide whether I can overpower them and save the world - just think - Super Hero Ted! I think one of those capes would be good, but I wouldn't want to wear a pair of underpants outside some tights - that might be a bit silly! not to mention uncomfortable! How does Superman concentrate with everyone laughing at his clothes?

Wait a minute, the BOSS says it's something called a "helicopter" - I must have looked puzzled, because she explained it was tinned people, and they shouldn't be flying that low! They aren't scaring me but it is scaring all our pregnant ladies by repeatedly "Buzzing" over our field. I think we would prefer aliens - they might have a bit more care over who they are scaring!

Speaking of dumb creatures, I've just noticed my Mum, Cleopatra! She doesn't have the sense she was born with, sometimes I wonder who it is that I take after. Here it is, 27 degrees of sunshine, and instead of taking a drink, she kicks all the water out before anyone can get a mouthful. Poor old Other Half is running around the field like a maniac trying to keep up with her, refilling all the troughs! It's just as well he hasn't noticed the BOSS; - she's just standing watching him, and having a good laugh.

All this excitement has quite worn me out! It's way past my third breakfast time, and if I don't hurry, I'll be late for first lunch!

By the way, the BOSS tells me I have a Polish Fan who reads my page regularly. Hi there, Polish Fan! Drop me a line and introduce yourself, so that I can make Fred jealous! He doesn't have any fans, not like ME! We don't feel sorry for him, do we?