Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Monday 26 June.  I've just found out a new name for "Rain" - the BOSS says "It's Wimbledon today, and that means rain!". I don't think the new word will catch on though, I mean, you can't easily say "It's Wimbledon-ing outside" - that's just silly. I'll never understand these humans, why can't they be nice and simple, like other animals. Speaking of which; - the BOSS and Other Half moved us all around, yet again, on Sunday. Which meant that I was in the next field to the girls. In the next field to Boadie! She's awful cute, you know, but My Goodness! I hope she doesn't grow up to behave like her Mum, Cleopatra! Just because she's pregnant, when I spoke to her across the fence, she spat green goo right in my face! YUK!

I mean, Cleopatra is MY Mum, too! ..........  Which makes Boadie my half sister! ........ I'd forgotten that. But what's a guy to do? All the girls are pregnant, apart from Boadie.  Life just isn't fair!

There does seem to be an awful lot of spitting going on around here just at the moment - maybe a mask would come in handy - how's that for a new career - Ted ; the Lone Ranger! and his faithful side-kick "Freddo". Or even better Zorro - the Masked Alpaca Strikes Again!  I wonder how I could get an agent?  I'm sure with all my hidden - and not so hidden -talent I'd be snapped up, just like that!  Being a web-celeb gives me a head start, and what with my new, all grown-up physique (see I can even spell). Now come on all you talent scouts out there; let's give the Alpaca of Distinction a chance at the big time.  I'm even going into publishing this autumn with the first instalment of "the Life and Times of An Alpaca...". you guessedthe rest!  With lots of pictures of yours truly, oh yes, and the rest of the gang.

Now for the more challenging side of life - where have all the docks gone?  starvation rations again I see - this isn't the Andes, you know, this is the lush green hills of Devon - when they're not mowed down for hay - to feed HORSES no less!  Maybe I will find a morsel here somewhere....

(Come on, tennis players! WE need the rain! Think of all of us starving alpacas!)