Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Sunday July 16 .  There's more to this guarding lark than I first thought. There I was last night, sneaking through the tall grass (there's not a lot left - the BOSS cut most of it down last week), when I was jumped on by Fred. He said that I was a "low level intruder" and likely to be a fox! Sometimes I think Fred used to keep his brain in the area the VET chopped off!

Then he explained further - What makes a fox a fox? THE SOCKS! And I have white socks so I MUST be a fox! Can this be true? Am I a FOX? NO! NO! I hear you all shout! I am an ALPACA of Distinction!  I must look into this further.........

Monday July 17th  I spoke to my bushy friend Wiley, last night. He says if you look carefully at the picture of the fox that the BOSS gave me, you can see he has a pointed nose, not a nose of Distinction, like mine. So that settled the matter - I am not a fox!

Being a curious sort of alpaca, I enquired what sort of animal Wiley was. You know, he's brown and dog-like with a big bushy tail, nothing like anything I've ever seen. He said he was a Kitsune, of Japanese descent. I just said "Oh, yes, of course!" but I haven't a clue what he was talking about. I must remember to ask the BOSS, she knows everything (or so Other Half is always saying).

I'm getting VERY suspicious about the strange behaviour around here. Other Half took me for ANOTHER walk on my halter today. He kept telling me I was a good boy, but he kept looking at my "bits"! He said I was going to have a special visitor on Friday, and not to worry. WHY would I worry? I like people!

Betsy is getting absolutely HUGE! If she doesn't have that baby soon, we'll have a seismic shock in Devon when she bursts! Conker is looking massive now, too. Mind you, she IS due at the same time. She obviously looks after her figure. What are "Pelvic Floor Exercises" anyway?

We have just heard that the love of my life, Jet, won't be coming back to me. They sold her without asking my permission! What am I supposed to do now? I'm a normal teenager (well almost - I'm one and a half years old!), and all the girls here (except for my half-sister) are as old as my mother! and WHY is Other Half saying not to worry about it?