Ted's Diary

written by the "Alpaca of Distinction" - Amen-Ra (Ted)

November 5th. Tonight is Guy Fawkes night. From what I've managed to find out, this is a celebration of the day someone didn't manage to blow up the Government!
Very strange - I'll never understand you humans!

This started me thinking, what I need to figure out is what really important deed could I fail to do so that we could have a "Ted The Alpaca Of Distinction" night ?

No! I won't lower my standards just for a few fireworks! That's the trouble with being an Alpaca of Distinction - I'm just too perfect to fail at anything!

But on to a subject much closer to my heart - my stomach! "Other Half" has just gotten a new supply of hay. He tells me that it is local hay of a very good vintage - September 2005. Well it certainly tastes good! I can recommend it, served at field temperature, with a side order of Camelibra alpaca supplement and a trough of fresh water. You must come to breakfast with me some day soon, you'd love it.

I've heard that a famous author, Alpaca Christie, used to write murder mysteries. She would probably like to have met me - I'm planning to write a series starring me as the hero, a private detective called AL PACKER. My side kick, a retired army officer, Captain Tastings, would assist me in finding those lowest of low criminals, the dregs of society, - hay thieves! You might remember that earlier this year (July 6th) a considerable amount of my hay was taken, but it didn't take me long to solve that one - it turned out that "Other Half" had arranged it without telling me! Ifigured that out almost immediately - now THAT'S detecting!
I don't see why humans think solving mysteries is so difficult - you just ask the BOSS - she knows everything (or so "Other Half" told me)

By the way, speaking of breakfast, which we weren't, but I do try to as often as possible, did you know that there are only 50 first breakfasts until Christmas. I can hardly wait; the BOSS has said I can have a Christmas Stocking full of presents this year.

I still have plenty of time to convince her that I will need FOUR Christmas Stockings, - because, of course, I have FOUR legs!