Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Thursday 23rd March. I've been listening to the BOSS and "Other Half" talking about something called "Spring". They seem to think it's here now. I gave it a lot of thought while I lay in my shelter watching them get wet, (strange creatures, these humans!) and I think they have confused all this rainwater with an underground river! If they'd only asked ME in the first place, I could have given them the benefit of my obvious wisdom.

"Other Half" has finished taking down the fences he put up in my paddock a few weeks ago, the BOSS is pleased with her great idea. I can't see what she is so happy about; open-plan dining areas went out years ago, - they're so expensive to keep warm!

Saturday 25th March. It's a bit difficult to see across the paddocks to "Sexy Legs" and the rest of the herd, "Other Half" says it's low cloud. As I stood in my dry shelter watching him get wet while he sorted out the feed and cleaned up the hay, I had this brainwave! I could write about life on the farm - I'd call it something catchy, like "Alpacas In The Mist" or something. Of course I would have the starring role, being a web-celeb. But then I found a problem - try as I might, I can't hold a pen. "Other Half" thought he had come up with the solution, but then he couldn't find a waterproof laptop with alpaca size keys! So he got me my own e-mail address instead (about time, too, I AM a web-celeb!), so that all my adoring fans can send me their praise, oh, and maybe some suggestions for film or book titles that might interest me in my spare time  I've got a polar explorer book "Scott of the Alpacas", and a sci-fi film "Star Wars - Return of the Ted-Eye", then, of course there's always "Super Ted" on the T.V.  I could star in that,- after all, I am an Alpaca of Distinction, you know!