Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Sunday July 9th.  I've come across a problem. As you know, I've got these new night vision glasses (see previous Diary entry) so that I can guard the herd even better than I usually do. The BOSS has given me pictures of foxes and badgers so that I know what to look out for, I don't know where they got the pictures from, but they don't look right to me! If I see anything like those on my field, I'm going to give up drinking - and I only drink water!

I've been watching Betsy, the BOSS tells me she's about to have a baby, I think she's wrong - I think Betsy is going to have a whole herd! She's huge! As she waddles about the field you can almost feel the ground shake!

But seriously, it'll be nice to get some new faces around here, since so many of the herd were sold there's hardly enough of us left to keep the grass down. And babies are SO cute. Other Half says he's going to take loads of pictures of the happy event, and put them on the website.

The BOSS says Betsy had better have a girl, or she'll be in trouble! I'm sure she's only kidding, but just so we don't find out, I'll try having a quiet word in Betsy's ear.

I'm a bit disappointed, - here I am, an Alpaca of Distinction, a Web Celeb, more sexy than Johnny Depp (whoever he is!), more adventurous than Harrison Ford (I thought that was a type of car), more handsome than Orlando Bloom (and I thought that was a flower), and I'm still waiting to be snapped up by some eager film company talent scout. Don't they recognise a real star when they see one?

I know, just to show them I'm flexible, I'll be a Pirate this time; - Captain Black - the Scourge of the Seven Acres - in "Pirates of the Arboretum", (seeing as I'm surrounded by trees!). Or maybe even "Pirates of the Carborundum" - a Gritty Tale of the Sea (except the seaside is five miles from here!). What do YOU think? Any suggestions?

Ahar, Fred, Lad!   (Just practising)