Ted's Diary
written by Amen Ra (Ted) The Alpaca of Distinction

Thursday 4th May.  I wish the folks round here would make up their minds. They put fences up – then take them down! Put us in one field then yell at us to "change fields!" and we all have to go to another paddock for the day. Now they have moved the shelter into a paddock on the other side of the field! Whatever next?

OH, NO! MY HAY! Who stole my hay! I left it in my shelter! Uh Oh! Of course - The Shelter! Whose brilliant idea was it to get poor old "Other Half" to move it? Oh, guess who? Yep! The BOSS is at it AGAIN!

I have heard that the shearer is coming next week and he will be checking all our teeth. Funny, I thought he was coming to take our fleeces off! Multi tasking, I suppose! So I have decided to do a bit of flossing -  with this fence; it's quite handy really – if the BOSS leaves it one place for long enough!.

I think my mum, Cleopatra, is having one of those ‘senior moments’; - we all know she has a big mouth, but that’s a bit over the top for dental floss!

Sunday 7th May. If I really strain my neck, and peer over the fences to the far side of the field, I can see lots of strange activity going on with my humans and their friends. They're putting up a cloth house! Honest - no word of a lie! A HUGE cloth house! "Other Half " built a new catch pen yesterday, and now he's having this cloth house put on the end of it! The BOSS says it's a marquee - well it looks like a cloth house to ME! It's just another of the weird things the BOSS comes up with. She says it's for the shearer to work in, but I think she just ran out of things for poor old "Other Half" to do. BOSS says because I'm an Alpaca of Distinction I don't have to go in it for the night like everyone else - I can stay in the paddock! Ha Ha - I'm Special!  Hang on a minute ! What if it rains! I'll be the only one to get wet! That means I won't get sheared! And there's a heat wave coming - the BOSS said so, so it must be true!

Hang on! What's Alex doing out of his paddock - ON HIS OWN! - SOMEBODY left the gate open! It must have been "Other Half" - the BOSS NEVER makes mistakes! He'll really get it in the neck. So what's Alex going to do with his new found freedom? Run away? Make mischief? No! Some alpacas have the brains of a gnat! Where's he going? Straight over to the BOSS to tell her he's not in his paddock! I mean, come on! Bright move Alex! She's put his halter on and marched him straight back to the paddock. Why don't I ever get a chance like that? Just think of what I could do, where I could go, the mischief I could cause.... Do you suppose that's why they are always so careful with MY gate?

I can't wait for Wednesday, - the shearer is coming to take ALL the clothes (um - that's fleece of course) off the girls! They're all going to be naked. Wow! And "Other Half" says he can't wait to get loads of pictures. If he thinks HE can't wait, he should try being an Alpaca of Distinction, - with no patience!

Thursday 11th May. I awoke bright and early on Wednesday morning to find myself ALONE, I mean completelyALONE in my paddock! I started to panic but then I saw that the BOSS and "Other Half" were already getting breakfast ready for us. US? Oh yes! The others were in the big cloth house, sorry marquee, waiting to be sheared – oh dear! Its shearing day!

Every one seemed calm and munched away at their supplement with no idea what was to come. We had to wait ALL day as the shearer did not arrive until late in the afternoon, by which time I had calmed down and every one else was getting jittery! I watched with interest as the shearer and his mate unloaded everything – table, shears, ROPES, WINCHES – oh my word! I had forgotten about all those things! Hey girls don’t look! And what is that thing for? "For grinding teeth" did the BOSS say? Not mine!

Oh, good; -it's Alex first- don’t worry Big Guy, it will all be over in a flash! Nails first, then whiz and that massive white fleece has vanished! Teeth OK. See, told you! Ha! It’s a good thing alpacas don’t have mirrors! Mr Macho seems to have lost something – could it be his dignity? That’s it, lad, back to your field, whilst the girls are looking the other way! Ha Ha!

Poor kids, its there turn next, then Ivory – well that didn’t take too long! Who's next? No, I do not want to go! Stop pulling me. I’m an Alpaca of Distinction, you know! Tell him to be gentle with me! Oh my word!

Be careful with those ties! What are you going to do with that! Oh no, here we go! (Or should I say "There it went?")

Phew! That went well! The new me! Oh, do I look good or what! Hey girls; check this out! Do I hear snickering in the marquee there? You just wait,-  its your turn next! No! Please don’t put me all the way over here - I can’t see what’s going on!

Wow! Look at that! NAKED GIRLS! Hey, the day just keeps getting better! Do they look great, guys? Why is it that they look so good and us guys look so daft? Not me of course – I always look good! What else do you expect from a web-celeb Alpaca?